They’ve Come to Suck

Bitten is a romcom horror hybrid starring Jason Mewes (because I guess Dane Cook had better things to do). But really, this does feel like a movie you would see Dane Cook in but maybe the script wasn’t up to his standards.

Jason Mewes plays Jack, a paramedic who works on the night shift. Fresh off of a breakup he’s feeling forlorn. His chances of romance are remote thanks to his occupation. But one evening on the way home he finds a beautiful woman injured and covered in blood. Since he’s an amazing paramedic, and also seems to live on skid row, he honors her request to not be taken to the hospital. He takes care of her, falls in love with her, finds out she’s a vampire and hilarity ensues. We’ll attempts at hilarity ensue anyway.

This movie is poorly written and acted. There are a large number of raunchy jokes and the great majority of them fall flatter than a sheet of aluminum foil. The poop joke wasn’t funny the first time, it wasn’t second the third time and it certainly wasn’t funny the tenth time. There are several dumb montages as well.

I haven’t seen Jason Mewes in many movies other than Kevin Smith movies. Usually he’s great at playing Jay, an obnoxious stoner character, but the character in Bitten calls for a different kind of approach. I can give him the benefit in the doubt in this movie and blame it on the directing since most of the other cast members were not that great either.

Really the best thing this movie has going for it is Erica Cox and her getting nude quite frequently. If you feel you can live your whole life without seeing her nipples then you won’t lose out on anything by missing this movie. They are nice boobies though…

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